evidence of doing good
by Fancy Piece of Work
Summary: "She has proof she's still a good person, only nobody will ever, ever be able to know." Jenny lies to Blair about sleeping with Chuck. AU, mentions of various pairings. Drabble.


When they say "I love you", she automatically says it back, because she _does_ and it's not like she has to _think_ about it.

Then that changes and they don't really say it anymore (not since she dumped drugs out of her bag and they spilled all over the pristine floor and her daddy stopped being her daddy and started being the enemy), and she isn't given any opportunities to say it back and suddenly it's like it never happened at all.

She sleeps with Chuck and breaks Blair's heart, but hers broke before that and a part of her is _thankful_ she's not broken alone anymore. But then Blair's crying ("_Tell me it's not true.") _and trying _so_ hard not to, while Jenny isn't trying at all, and she can see it so, so _clearly_ now.

Nobody could ever love her. Nate has Serena (didn't want Jenny even though she would have given _anything_), Dan has Vanessa (doesn't need her anymore, either of them) and Blair has Chuck.

_Had_ Chuck.

Until Jenny took him away.

She had the power to take him away from Blair forever, maybe not to keep or anything, but she could make Blair feel alone and _lonely_.

But she couldn't do it. Couldn't make Blair feel like _she_ did right then, because her daddy raised her right (tried too at least) and Blair gave her a _kingdom_, had trusted Jenny with _her_ kingdom, so she shakes her head, takes back all the words she said to her brother and _lies_ (because she's gotten so fucking good at it).

She can feel Chuck's eyes on her as she tells Blair she lied, that Chuck would _never_ hurt her, Chuck loves Blair, everybody knows it (and its true, he _does_, and she can't take it away from them) that Jenny only wanted to get back at her for saying those things.

Blair believes her, so does Dan and then she's watching Chuck usher Blair away from the hospital and she's kind of smiling because she's still broken (not cracked or chipped like she was a little while ago when Damien walked away, but _broken _because since she slept with Chuck she feels more alone than ever) but she's still _good_.

She has proof she's still a good person, only nobody will ever, ever be able to know.

Dan takes her home and they don't speak and when he tells her dad everything she doesn't protest when he tells her it's time for her to go.

Maybe this is what she needs.

* * *

><p>It's two months later and she's a bit confused. She couldn't be <em>pregnant<em>. Chuck Bass didn't _get_ girls pregnant.

He fucked them and left them, sure, but he left them exactly the same way he met them (at least _physically_) everybody knew that, and this, this couldn't be real.

But the stick in her hands is proof.

It's more than proof, its _evidence._

Her crime now had _evidence_.

One paternity test and everybody will know she lied to Blair and she can't _do_ that.

She would tell her mother and her mother would tell her father and then _everybody_ would know (because that man _cannot_ keep a secret) and Chuck would question it, and then her one, single act of _goodness_ would be fucked. Blair would break (not chip or splinter but _break)._

And there'd be one more person like her in the world (probably _worse_ because this was Blair fucking Waldorf and she does _everything_ better than everybody, doesn't she?)

So she thinks about getting an abortion but doesn't think about it too long and instead runs away.

* * *

><p>"Oh my god."<p>

It's a couple of months later what she realises, her evidence is _beautiful_.

"Oh my _god_."

Chuck and Blair are engaged and Nate and Serena broke up. Dan is god knows where and while she still checks her phone often for updates on all of them, she hasn't called. She doesn't need to because they don't need her. Never have, she thinks.

Because she'd wanted in _so_ badly and they'd let her for a while but she'd never belonged.

Serena has another boy and Nate has another girl (more than one she's pretty sure) and she's vindictive enough to be glad they're not so perfect anymore.

Things are a lot different now, and she always kind of _knew_ it would happen because it's the Upper East Side and things like break-ups happen all the time to people who were supposed to last forever.

But Blair and Chuck, they _got_ it. They got their fairytale.

Not a Disney one, sure, but _still_. They got it.

And Jenny got to step back and be a part of their story (a part of their world, like she always wanted) and while only her and Chuck know it, it's really much better that way. She figures Chuck will forget eventually, and stop worrying she'll come back and haunt them (she's no Georgina) and then it'll only be _her_ knowing.

It's like a dirty secret and she's a little heartbroken to think of her life like that, but her life is full of dirty secrets and this one she can keep if it means Blair can be happy (because she doesn't know it, would probably _hate_ the idea, but Blair had always been Jenny's idol. Not Serena.)

She was a part of their world now, a part that some people will skip over or skim across, the part that could step back and let something _good_ happen, even when she was _broken_ and _crying_ and _useless_.

And she got something good out of it too.

Her evidence was _beautiful_.

Her hair and Chucks eyes.

She calls her Bee.


End file.
